Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
false alarm. still invincible.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
