I didn't shave. On purpose
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
