Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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