I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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