So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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