i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize