you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He passed out mid-signature
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
