Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
