ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
