You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
