remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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