your thong is hanging out like whoa
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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