we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
