Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
