we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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