She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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