she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
