I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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