why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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