I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
