I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
