hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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