Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
