Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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