he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
