i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
