ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
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4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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