how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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