I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I cannot find my penis.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
