then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pants are for mortals
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
