I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
