How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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