Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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