Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
