dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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