Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize