I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
ok first of all what the fuck
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
