She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
