He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
