he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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