i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
