that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found puke in my bra..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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