just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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