if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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