btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
