If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Someone came in the potted fern
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
