She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
