I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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