It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
