Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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