You're completely useless in the revolution.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
