Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
