Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
