A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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