It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
