We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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