i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
