1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
