I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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