you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
