Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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