Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
