If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
