I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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