Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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