the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize