I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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