i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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