Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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