I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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