They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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