I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
