I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you had me at cake vodka
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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