ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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