I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
