For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
